By Tara Eisenhard
I’m a Divorce Coach, and I love it! I want to tell you all about it. But first, let me explain where I’m coming from…
My parents separated when I was 13. When they were no longer obligated to be life partners, they became friends, and things became more peaceful, and my family grew, and my life improved. Thus, I grew up thinking divorce was a good thing.
In my 20s I got married and then divorced. While I had a “good divorce,” it was then that I realized divorce is not a good thing for many people.
I was bewildered by the fact that nearly everyone I encountered was either angry or sad for me and my newfound freedom. I received a lot of bad advice and vowed to change the way our culture views and approaches this topic.
Naturally, I initially thought I’d go back to school to become a divorce attorney. However, upon closer inspection, I decided against that option. I didn’t want to work within the same old paradigm. I wanted to do something different. One day I was scrolling on Twitter and discovered the account of a woman who was a divorce coach. I visited her web site and knew that was the right fit for me. I registered for training and began a new journey.
That was about 14 years ago, and since then I’ve expanded my skills and knowledge to better assist my clients. My personal philosophy is that divorce is a solution to a problem, and it’s about evolution, not dissolution. It’s an honor to serve people during a time of personal transformation (not just mathematical transaction).
To be most specific, I love….
Meeting People Where They Are. When I meet with a new client, I want to hear about their journey. I want to understand how they got to where they are and what challenges they face. I want them to feel heard and cared for at a time when so many people are doling out well-intentioned advice that might not be appropriate.
Clarifying Clients’ Goals. Coaching is about direction, and it makes me so happy when I see a client begin to dream about the positive things their future might hold. Some of my clients imagine big moves or career changes. Others simply want to improve relations with their coparent. Whatever they desire, I’m there to hold space for them to do so.
Shifting Mindsets. A client once said, “I don’t know why this is happening to me.” My response was to suggest that she think of it as “happening for her.” After all, she initiated the divorce because she believed she deserved better. The challenges throughout the process were pebbles on the path to her freedom. I think this is best summed up by the Wayne Dyer quote, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
Seeing Success. At the beginning of my work with a client, there’s usually a lot of conflict, confusion, and tears. As the journey unfolds, I watch them gain a new perspective, find their strength, and begin writing a new chapter. In our final coaching sessions, I see my clients smiling, confident, and ready for what comes next.
Of course, there are a million more moments when I’m reminded of how much I love my work. But these are the categories that contain most of them. I’m so grateful for my personal experience and the opportunity to help more people have healthier, happier divorces, and happier, healthier families.