The Natural Flow of Divorce: Who to Call and When

Divorce can feel like stepping into uncharted territory. One of the biggest questions people ask is: “Who do I talk to first — a mediator, an attorney, a realtor?”

The truth is, there’s a natural order that helps reduce stress, avoid costly mistakes, and keep the process as smooth as possible. Here’s a guide to which professionals typically come into play, and when.

Step 1: Emotional and Practical Support

Before diving into legal and financial decisions, it helps to start with clarity and stability.

Therapist: Provides emotional support to process grief, anger, or uncertainty.

Divorce Coach: Offers practical guidance on organization, communication, and planning for the future.

This foundation allows you to approach the next steps with a clearer head and steadier emotions.

Step 2: Mediation First (Not Litigation)

For many families, the next step is working with a non-attorney divorce mediator.

Unlike attorneys, a non-attorney mediator does not represent either spouse. Instead, they serve as a neutral facilitator who helps both parties work through key issues like:

• Parenting plans and co-parenting schedules

  
  

• Division of property and assets

  
  

• Child support and spousal support

  
  

• Housing decisions and future financial needs

  
  

The mediator’s role is to keep discussions respectful, balanced, and solution-focused. They don’t give legal advice, but they can provide education about the process and help you explore creative options that work for both sides.

Once agreements are reached, the mediator prepares a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU), which can then be reviewed by attorneys (if desired) and filed with the court.

This step often comes before hiring realtors, lenders, or other professionals because mediation clarifies what will happen — who stays in the home, whether it will be sold, and what financial arrangements will look like.

Step 3: Legal Review and Protection

After mediation, many couples bring in attorneys to review the mediated agreements. This ensures both parties understand their rights and that the agreements meet legal standards. Importantly, this review phase is typically far less adversarial and less costly than hiring attorneys for full litigation.

Step 4: Financial Guidance

Once the broad terms of the separation are clear, a financial professional like a CDFA helps plan for the future. This may include:

• Projecting budgets and cash flow after divorce

  
  

• Understanding tax implications

  
  

• Planning for retirement and investments

  
  

At this point, if one spouse will buy out the other or refinance the home, a mortgage lender steps in to check eligibility and options.

Step 5: Real Estate Decisions

If selling the marital home is part of the plan, a realtor becomes essential. They coordinate the sale, guide you through market conditions, and help each spouse plan next steps for housing.

The Natural Order in Practice

Here’s how it often unfolds:

1. Therapist or Divorce Coach – for grounding and clarity

   Non-Attorney Mediator – to reach agreements collaboratively

   
   

2. Attorney – for legal review and final protections

   
   

3. Financial Expert – to plan budgets and long-term security

   
   

4. Mortgage Lender – for refinancing or new loans

   
   

5. Realtor – for selling or buying homes

   
   

Why This Order Matters

Starting with emotional support and mediation helps you stay calm, cooperative, and in control of your divorce. By the time you reach financial and housing decisions, you’ll already have a clear agreement in place, reducing stress and avoiding unnecessary conflict.

Divorce doesn’t have to mean chaos or hostility. By choosing the right professionals at the right time — you can create a smoother, more respectful path forward. Consider signing up for our Divorce Boot Camp to learn more. 

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